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1/27/2007

Scientists Isolate "Molesterol," Pedophelia-Causing Chemical

Molesterol moleculeLeft: Molesterol molecule

(Columbus, OH) Researchers at the Ohio State University today announced the discovery of a sterol they have named "molesterol," believed to play a crucial role in the formation of sexual feelings for children among adults susceptible to the chemical.

"Molesterol is present in higher concentrations in tissues which either produce more or have more densely-packed membranes, such as the testes and the penis," said Dr. Sticcam Harter, a university biochemist. "And we believe there is a connection between high molesterol levels and watching Hillary Duff and Taylor Swift music videos."

OSU chemists discussing optimal methods of pedophile treatment

Harter said that researchers hope to develop a chemical treatment for pedophiles.

"Two chemicals stand out as likely prospects," he said. "We lean toward arsenic and curare as chemical treatments that offer a pharmaceutical beatdown on these sick fucks. As far as curing them, nah; it's a hell of a lot more rewarding just killing the damned pedophiles."

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