.comment-link {margin-left:.6em;}

1/29/2007

Vatican Considering Sainthood for Euthanized Horse Barbaro

Barbaro the horse is up for sainthoodBarbaro the horse is up for sainthood

(Vatican City) The Vatican is close to making the late thoroughbred Barbaro a saint after investigating three "miracles" attributed to the Kentucky Derby-winning stallion. If canonized Barbaro will become the first horse so rewarded since Triple Crown winner St. War Admiral in 1937.

The horse had already been credited with curing a nun of Parkinson's disease and now he has been credited with two other cures, the proof of which will confer on him beatification and then canonization.

"I am happy because the cause [for beatification] is proceeding well, especially with all the wailing, gnashing of teeth, and rending of garments by Barbaro's fans today," said Krakow Cardinal Stanislaw Dziwisz, who won $500 on Barbaro in the Kentucky Derby. "The Holy Father Benedict XVI is looking after it. He's always had a thing for the ponies."

Pope Benedict XVI has put Barbaro on a fast-track to canonization, waiving an existing rule whereby the Vatican normally waits five years after a candidate's death before beginning the process. A similar waiver led to the rapid elevation of Mother Teresa's status in 2003.

"In Krakow the procedures were wrapped up quickly because there were fewer witnesses. There are more in Rome, with 27 different people claiming Barbaro produced these miracles," the cardinal said. "But it seems that this questioning process is nearing completion in Rome as well, which is good, because I'm pretty tired of talking to a bunch of equine-obsessed nutjobs."

The unnamed French nun was suffering from the advanced stages of Parkinson's disease when members of her convent prayed to the spirit of Barbaro to ask God for her full recovery in May 2006.

Several hours after the prayers began, the nun said that she could hold a pen without difficulty, and within two weeks she arose from her bed, reporting "no more pain, no rigidity" and "a tremendous craving for carrot sticks."

Candidates being considered for sainthood must not only have led a virtuous life but also have to have been responsible for a medically inexplicable cure after their death by responding to prayers from the afterlife.

"Barbaro truly led a life in the image of Christ, with the exception that he got horny as hell when there was a sexually mature female horse nearby," said the cardinal. "But hell, I'll bet even Jesus himself got the occasional woody. As far as I'm concerned, Barabro is all but in as a saint."

Labels: , ,


Comments:
just a stupid horse!
 
What they don't realize is that this horse was really Hindu.
 
The giant spider insisted on it, and it was so.
 
If Pope "Benny, the enforcer" Ratzenberger says it's a done deal, it's a done deal; consider it done.
 
Post a Comment

Links to this post:

Create a Link



<< Home
Copyright 2007, National Nitwit ® . Unauthorized duplication prohibited, but feel free to link away. This is a satirical newspaper, and many of these stories are fictional. You have to guess which ones are faked. National Nitwit ® uses invented names in its stories, except when public figures are being satirized, or when we post a real story. Any other use of real names is accidental and coincidental. Subcomandante Bob once got jiggy with your mom, and she does things in bed that would shock you, dude. The content of this website is the property of National Nitwit ® and its authors, and may not be reprinted or retransmitted in whole or in part without the expressed written consent of the publisher. National Nitwit® is not designed for readers under 18 years of age. FAIR USE NOTICE: This site contains copyrighted material the use of which has not always been specifically authorized by the copyright owner. We are making such material available in our efforts to advance understanding of environmental, political, human rights, economic, democracy, scientific, and social justice issues, sustainable development, environmental, community and worker health, democracy, public disclosure, corporate accountability, and social justice issues, mostly because hot college women are also interested in the same issues. Go figure. Anyways, we believe this constitutes a "fair use" of any such copyrighted material as provided for in section 107 of the US Copyright Law. In accordance with Title 17 U.S.C. Section 107, the material on this site is distributed without fee or payment of any kind to those who have expressed a prior interest in receiving the included information for research and educational purposes, except when you are using it to get laid. If you wish to use copyrighted material from this site for purposes of your own that go beyond 'fair use', you must obtain permission from the copyright owner.

This page is powered by Blogger. Isn't yours?