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2/16/2007

Your Neighbor is Grossed Out by Your Underwear Skidmarks

Peeping Tom Guest editorial by Paul Flaherty, your neighbor

As a full-time neighborhood voyeur, I see almost everything that goes on in this part of town. People coming, people going, and people doing all the other things I like to watch.

I gotta tell you though, dude - the skid marks on your underwear are grossing me out, and you really need to do something about them.

Now, I understand that we all have accidents, like when you think you're going to rip a nice, juicy fart and get surprised with a watery rectal blast. It happens to the best of us.

But I think every pair of underwear you own has a brown stripe down the back, and this is a real problem for me, so let's work together on this.

Do you even use toilet paper, dude?

The other day I was watching your wife put on her nylons, slowly rolling them up her leg. Just as I was starting to stroke myself, in you walked with a pair of rancid-looking skivvies that was more brown than white. I swear I could smell them from my perch in the tree behind your garage.

Instant flaccidity, you know what I mean?

And - I'm not trying to threaten you or anything - but if this relationship is going to work, something's gotta give. It's up to you to take the first step, because there's plenty of other houses I could be watching.

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Comments:
Perhaps you should move on dude.

Hey, there's a perky blond high-schooler two houses down and her bedroom is on the ground floor.

And, here's the best part, she never pulls the shades all the way down!

Just make sure that you don't splatter on the wall; they can retrieve and save your DNA until they eventually catch up with you..., and they will catch up with you ;-)
 
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