.comment-link {margin-left:.6em;}

4/24/2007

Indiana Prisoners Riot Over Ousting of Idol Sanjaya Malakar

Left: Hundreds of sweaty inmates just want to get some Sanjaya

(New Castle, IN) Inmates staged a two-hour riot at a medium-security men's prison Tuesday, injuring two staff members and setting fires in a courtyard in protest of the elimination of American Idol contestant Sanjaya Malakar.

Indiana Department of Correction spokeswoman Jared Andrews said more than one cell block was involved in the conflict at the New Castle Correctional Facility, which is located about 40 miles east of Indianapolis.

"Pretty much they fell in love with Sanjaya," said Andrews, noting that "hundreds" of prison cells contained posters of the wild-haired singer. "I'd say that one-third of the inmates here whack off to Sanjaya's picture every night. Sometimes it's kind of sad, hearing all those lonely men with that rhythmic SLAP-SLAP-SLAP, just a-whacking away, sounding like 200 pieces of sirloin smacking on a linoleum counter."

Ahmed said at least some of the inmates complained about being moved away from the TV room, a step that was necessary because of the state's shortage of prison space.

"They're obviously resentful because they had to miss American Idol last week," he said. "When you're in here, your mind does strange things. Just last week we had a guy who got his dick stuck in a jar of peanut butter. Said he was trying out a cure for gonorrhea or something."

Left: Empty cells, broken hearts

State police Sgt. Fred Rizzuto said that - contrary to earlier reports - the disturbance did not involve a problem between inmates from two different two states.

"It was not a conflict between Arizona and Indiana prisoners," he said. "The intelligence I was given this afternoon is that it didn't have any direct correlation to that issue. This was all about horny men who just wanted another look at that Sanjaya's tight ass. And, to tell you the truth - if I were liquored up, I might tap that bunghole myself. With enough K-Y and a darkened room, you'd think you were going at it with skinny woman, maybe a meth freak or something."

Labels: , , ,


Comments:
I'd slip him the old meatwad, too!
 
SANJAYA!!!

SANJAYA!!!

SANJAYA!!!

(spooges into pillow)
 
Too old for me, but thanks.
 
Michael,

Just as soon as one of your testicles descends, your voice will follow.

Then Sanjaya won't be too old for you anymore, but you could be too old for him.

EIther way, it'll all work out..., in the end ;-)
 
Post a Comment



<< Home
Copyright 2007, National Nitwit ® . Unauthorized duplication prohibited, but feel free to link away. This is a satirical newspaper, and many of these stories are fictional. You have to guess which ones are faked. National Nitwit ® uses invented names in its stories, except when public figures are being satirized, or when we post a real story. Any other use of real names is accidental and coincidental. Subcomandante Bob once got jiggy with your mom, and she does things in bed that would shock you, dude. The content of this website is the property of National Nitwit ® and its authors, and may not be reprinted or retransmitted in whole or in part without the expressed written consent of the publisher. National Nitwit® is not designed for readers under 18 years of age. FAIR USE NOTICE: This site contains copyrighted material the use of which has not always been specifically authorized by the copyright owner. We are making such material available in our efforts to advance understanding of environmental, political, human rights, economic, democracy, scientific, and social justice issues, sustainable development, environmental, community and worker health, democracy, public disclosure, corporate accountability, and social justice issues, mostly because hot college women are also interested in the same issues. Go figure. Anyways, we believe this constitutes a "fair use" of any such copyrighted material as provided for in section 107 of the US Copyright Law. In accordance with Title 17 U.S.C. Section 107, the material on this site is distributed without fee or payment of any kind to those who have expressed a prior interest in receiving the included information for research and educational purposes, except when you are using it to get laid. If you wish to use copyrighted material from this site for purposes of your own that go beyond 'fair use', you must obtain permission from the copyright owner.

This page is powered by Blogger. Isn't yours?