National Nitwit

Left: Former Massachusets governor Mitt Romney introducing four of his five wives to the media prior to last week's GOP debate

(Simi Valley, CA) After the Republican presidential candidate debate Thursday night at the Ronald Reagan Library, most of Mitt Romney's wives gathered to praise their husband's traditional morals.

"Mitt has never cheated on any of us, and he believes so much in family values that he supports not one but five families," enthused Sarah Romney, Mitt's third wife. "And you know that any politician with this many wives has to be patient and understanding. Mitt knows that plural marriage is the ultimate in family values."

Second wife Olivia Romney said that her husband's pro-life stance, a tenet of his Mormon faith, is one of the values that attracted her to him.

"Mitt has always believed in the sanctity of life, and he has never missed an opportunity to add more little Mitts to the planet," she said, patting her stomach where the nineteenth Romney gestates. "America cannot continue to lead the family of nations around the world if we suffer the collapse of the family here at home, and Mitt is doing his part by maintaining five families."

First wife Ann Romney admitted that she was a bit "confounded" when husband Mitt first broached the subject of adding more wives and children to the Romney family.

"I used to think that women suffered by polygamy, but then I saw so many beautiful women who were very willing to share a prosperous man that I came to the conclusion that smart women jumped into plural marriage," she said. "And, let's face it - Mitt recognized that there are many decent men in our country who would be willing and able to take care of struggling women and children and adopt them as their own. This reduces the need for the state to act as nanny, and gives each of us a piece of Mitt."

Labels: 2008 elections, GOP debate, Mitt Romney