.comment-link {margin-left:.6em;}

5/06/2007

Mitt Romney's Five Wives Extol His Family Values

Left: Former Massachusets governor Mitt Romney introducing four of his five wives to the media prior to last week's GOP debate

(Simi Valley, CA) After the Republican presidential candidate debate Thursday night at the Ronald Reagan Library, most of Mitt Romney's wives gathered to praise their husband's traditional morals.

"Mitt has never cheated on any of us, and he believes so much in family values that he supports not one but five families," enthused Sarah Romney, Mitt's third wife. "And you know that any politician with this many wives has to be patient and understanding. Mitt knows that plural marriage is the ultimate in family values."

Second wife Olivia Romney said that her husband's pro-life stance, a tenet of his Mormon faith, is one of the values that attracted her to him.

"Mitt has always believed in the sanctity of life, and he has never missed an opportunity to add more little Mitts to the planet," she said, patting her stomach where the nineteenth Romney gestates. "America cannot continue to lead the family of nations around the world if we suffer the collapse of the family here at home, and Mitt is doing his part by maintaining five families."

First wife Ann Romney admitted that she was a bit "confounded" when husband Mitt first broached the subject of adding more wives and children to the Romney family.

"I used to think that women suffered by polygamy, but then I saw so many beautiful women who were very willing to share a prosperous man that I came to the conclusion that smart women jumped into plural marriage," she said. "And, let's face it - Mitt recognized that there are many decent men in our country who would be willing and able to take care of struggling women and children and adopt them as their own. This reduces the need for the state to act as nanny, and gives each of us a piece of Mitt."

Labels: , ,


Comments:
Yeah, that Mitt Romney is one helluva stand-up guy.

And, from the looks of these four wives, Rosie's safe...
 
Post a Comment

Links to this post:

Create a Link



<< Home
Copyright 2007, National Nitwit ® . Unauthorized duplication prohibited, but feel free to link away. This is a satirical newspaper, and many of these stories are fictional. You have to guess which ones are faked. National Nitwit ® uses invented names in its stories, except when public figures are being satirized, or when we post a real story. Any other use of real names is accidental and coincidental. Subcomandante Bob once got jiggy with your mom, and she does things in bed that would shock you, dude. The content of this website is the property of National Nitwit ® and its authors, and may not be reprinted or retransmitted in whole or in part without the expressed written consent of the publisher. National Nitwit® is not designed for readers under 18 years of age. FAIR USE NOTICE: This site contains copyrighted material the use of which has not always been specifically authorized by the copyright owner. We are making such material available in our efforts to advance understanding of environmental, political, human rights, economic, democracy, scientific, and social justice issues, sustainable development, environmental, community and worker health, democracy, public disclosure, corporate accountability, and social justice issues, mostly because hot college women are also interested in the same issues. Go figure. Anyways, we believe this constitutes a "fair use" of any such copyrighted material as provided for in section 107 of the US Copyright Law. In accordance with Title 17 U.S.C. Section 107, the material on this site is distributed without fee or payment of any kind to those who have expressed a prior interest in receiving the included information for research and educational purposes, except when you are using it to get laid. If you wish to use copyrighted material from this site for purposes of your own that go beyond 'fair use', you must obtain permission from the copyright owner.

This page is powered by Blogger. Isn't yours?