National Nitwit

Guest Editorial
by Winsted Andover, GOP political strategist

You know, there are moments in a campaign when an observer just has to stop, clap his hands, and say: "Bravo!" For me, that occurred the other day when I saw Mitt Romney shake off his pre-packaged personna and get real with some African Americans during a Martin Luther King Jr. memorial.

We saw Romney really connect with black voters by using the phrases "Bling Bling" and "Who Let The Dogs Out" that day. I mean, you expected him to say the usual sorts of candidate nonsense, but Romney really got down and boogied last week, and I think that this is a turning point for him. Up to this point, it has been John McCain getting most of the sympathy black votes, since he is the only GOP candidate to ever spend time in a prison cell.

It's no secret that Republicans have not fared well with black voters in the past five or six electoral cycles, at least not with blacks earning less than $70,000 per year, which would be, like, 97% of them or so. I have a gut feeling that Romney's plan to show his groove thang will resonate with blacks in a way no Republican has since Abraham-fucking-Lincoln.

My recommendation? Romney needs to drop black cultural references in every speech between now and November. Hip phrases like "Sock it to me, baby!" and "Dy-no-MITE!" and "My name is Kunta Kinte," stuff like that. Every photo opp should feature him pulling a greasy fried chicken leg out of a bucket, and he ought to start wearing baggy shorts and a sideways-turned baseball hat, too.

Oh, and when he's talking about Osama bin Laden, I wholeheartedly suggest that he use a line like this: "I finna bust a cap in that niggah's ass, a-i-i-i-e-e-e-e-e-t!"

You gotta use every tool in the box when running for President, and I think Mitt Romney has one killa strategy, y'all.

Labels: bling bling, Mitt Romney, Who let the dogs out