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4/17/2008

Gay Truck Resentful of McCain Sticker

By Billy Pilgrim, National Nitwit Rogue Editor

The Dembrowsky Ford: Queerer Than a Theater Major at Berkeley

(Wichita, KS)—A 1962 Ford pickup owned by Rick Dembrowsky of Wichita, Kansas, recently came out of the closet and expressed its frustration over his owner’s newly added ‘John McCain for President’ bumper sticker.

“Do you know how many engines I’ve gone through? Three. And exhaust manifolds? Seven. But in four long decades, I’ve never had a single sticker on my rear window or bumper,” the truck opined. “Nights I sat curbside beneath the stars, wishing I had a rainbow pride emblem, or maybe just one of those little glittery ovals that said ‘princess.’ And now that fucker Rick puts—
of all things—a McCain sticker on my ass? I’ve got half a mind to stall out while he’s merging on the interstate and let a semi smash us both into smithereens.”

The truck explained its vehement opposition to this seemingly minute gesture of political endorsement.

“Lord, where do I begin with all that’s wrong about McCain,” the Ford huffed. “From his hundred-year stance on the Iraq war to his half-hearted healthcare reforms, he’s far too conservative for an old queen like me. Unless, of course, he had one of them young Dodge Dakotas. I’m sure a night in the garage with one of those hunks could convince me just about anything. Mercy, I’m a randy one!”

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