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7/10/2008

Most American Teens Think Obama Is Already President

By Billy Pilgrim, National Nitwit Rogue Editor

Obama: Did He Give the State of the Union Address Already?


(Washington, D.C.)—As the nation prepares for the final months of its most divisive and energized presidential campaign in recent memory, it appears the whirlwind press coverage of Senator Barack Obama has had a peculiar but nonetheless explicable effect: most American teens already believe he is President of the United States.

“I’m so glad President Obama is changing all the bad stuff Bush did when he was president last year,” expressed Tina Gladwell, a tenth grader at Annapolis High School. “I mean, I know we’re still at war, and people like Mr. Baxter can’t find a job so they drink from brown bags at the bus stop telling us girls how cute we are, but we have a good president now. If he can just find himself a vice president, it’ll be rad.”

Political experts around the country have tried to diagnose this phenomenon, and have cited a plethora of possiblities for why so many youngsters have misunderstood this year’s election cycle.

“You can call it the myopia of youth, or a cult of personality, or perhaps even some latent Freudian desire for a paradigm shift,” explained Dr. Thomas Newton, a political science professor at George Mason University. “But it may come down to the simple facts: Bush’s approval rating is like, 9%, and if McCain lives past Thanksgiving we’ll all be shocked. So maybe the kids are right and Obama IS already president. Fuck. This is getting pretty spacey. Good thing I’m not on acid right now.”

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Valuable resource of american teen news summaries: http://ng2000.com/ng2000bb/YaBB.pl?num=1221463515
 
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