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3/18/2007

Scoutmaster Fuming that Missing Scout Got Himself Lost

Neary: Missing scout "a little slow"

(Wilkesboro, NC) Authorities continued to search for 12-year-old Boy Scout Michael Auberry, who has been missing since Saturday. Scoutmaster Fred Neary told reporters that he was "disappointed" in Auberry's inability to find his way out of the Blue Ridge Parkway National Park.

"Look - we drill this stuff week in and week out. My boys sleep with their compasses and their maps," he said, looking through a pair of binoculars for the missing Scout. "It just looks bad for the rest of the troop when one of them turns retarded like this."

Auberry, of Greensboro, NC, remained at the campsite with an adult while the other scouts went for a hike. Neary said there should be "no excuses" made for Auberry's poor judgment.

"How the hell does someone get lost at the camp?" he asked. "That's like drowning in a goddamn puddle, or choking on a piece of spaghetti. What's wrong with this kid, for Chrissakes?"

Auberry not earning merit badges this weekend, that's for sure

Neary added that, as far as he's concerned, the entire membership of Troop 230 has been "a bunch of whiny pantywaists."

"As soon as they found out Mr. Moron turned up missing, a few of them actually started crying," he said, shaking his head in disgust. "If I'd known I was going into the woods with a bunch of little girls, I'd have brought my freaking EasyBake oven. Look - life's tough out there, and sometimes Scouts never make it back home. Grow up and toughen up, men!"

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