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3/20/2007

Missing Scout Michael Auberry Survives 72-Hour Zelda Withdrawal

(McGrady, NC) Searchers with the help of a sharp-nosed dog named Gandalf today found a 12-year-old Boy Scout who had disappeared into the North Carolina wilderness over the weekend.

Michael Auberry wasn't crying out for help, and he appeared to be in good physical condition, despite over three days without his Wii and his favorite Legend of Zelda game.

"We have our missing Boy Scout - he is alive," ranger Tina White said. "It took him a minute to realize we were there for him. He was writhing on the ground, saying'...need... Wii... Zelda..' and stuff like that."

Joe Ware, Assistant Fire Chief in McGrady, said the boy told the rescue team that picked him up that he had survived Wii withdrawal by imagining the video games in his head.

"He was kind of delirious, being without Zelda, Link, and all those wacky Hyrule adventures for so long," said Ware of the young Auberry. "And you know - in the new Wii Zelda game Link's beast form behaves about the same as the human form, as far as combat goes, but you can't use all those items you find. Good thing Michael had his memories, or he might not have survived."

Left: Auberry spent over three days without Link's mystical Master Sword, needed to defeat Ganon

Michael's father Kent Auberry believes that the Zelda game may have saved his son's life.

"These games teach about heroism, fighting evil, and having the courage to stand up and do what is right," he said, wiping away a tear. "Now, Michael didn't have to exhibit any of these qualities in the woods, but if he ever needed to seal Vaati with the Four Sword, I have no doubt that he would have been totally prepared."

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Comments:
MICHAEL AUBERRY IS A GODDMANED HERO, AND DON'T YOU FORGET IT!!!
 
All caps = more truth.
 
Michael needs his ass kicked after leaving a camp to hitchhike home becasue his freinds were not there. Not telling anyone, casuing hundreds of thousands of dollars to be spent, helicopters, night planes, hundreds of volunteers etc. He is not 4 he is a 12 yr old boy scout. His Dad thinks he needs a break from homework???!!! I think they need to pay for the search and apologize for their sons stupidty.
 
Anonymous #1: Heroism = merely subsisting in the woods for three days? Man, that must mean everyone born before, say, the Middle Ages was a goddamn Superman...
 
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