.comment-link {margin-left:.6em;}


Missing Scout Michael Auberry Survives 72-Hour Zelda Withdrawal

(McGrady, NC) Searchers with the help of a sharp-nosed dog named Gandalf today found a 12-year-old Boy Scout who had disappeared into the North Carolina wilderness over the weekend.

Michael Auberry wasn't crying out for help, and he appeared to be in good physical condition, despite over three days without his Wii and his favorite Legend of Zelda game.

"We have our missing Boy Scout - he is alive," ranger Tina White said. "It took him a minute to realize we were there for him. He was writhing on the ground, saying'...need... Wii... Zelda..' and stuff like that."

Joe Ware, Assistant Fire Chief in McGrady, said the boy told the rescue team that picked him up that he had survived Wii withdrawal by imagining the video games in his head.

"He was kind of delirious, being without Zelda, Link, and all those wacky Hyrule adventures for so long," said Ware of the young Auberry. "And you know - in the new Wii Zelda game Link's beast form behaves about the same as the human form, as far as combat goes, but you can't use all those items you find. Good thing Michael had his memories, or he might not have survived."

Left: Auberry spent over three days without Link's mystical Master Sword, needed to defeat Ganon

Michael's father Kent Auberry believes that the Zelda game may have saved his son's life.

"These games teach about heroism, fighting evil, and having the courage to stand up and do what is right," he said, wiping away a tear. "Now, Michael didn't have to exhibit any of these qualities in the woods, but if he ever needed to seal Vaati with the Four Sword, I have no doubt that he would have been totally prepared."

Labels: , ,

All caps = more truth.
Michael needs his ass kicked after leaving a camp to hitchhike home becasue his freinds were not there. Not telling anyone, casuing hundreds of thousands of dollars to be spent, helicopters, night planes, hundreds of volunteers etc. He is not 4 he is a 12 yr old boy scout. His Dad thinks he needs a break from homework???!!! I think they need to pay for the search and apologize for their sons stupidty.
Anonymous #1: Heroism = merely subsisting in the woods for three days? Man, that must mean everyone born before, say, the Middle Ages was a goddamn Superman...
Post a Comment

Links to this post:

Create a Link

<< Home
Copyright 2007, National Nitwit ® . Unauthorized duplication prohibited, but feel free to link away. This is a satirical newspaper, and many of these stories are fictional. You have to guess which ones are faked. National Nitwit ® uses invented names in its stories, except when public figures are being satirized, or when we post a real story. Any other use of real names is accidental and coincidental. Subcomandante Bob once got jiggy with your mom, and she does things in bed that would shock you, dude. The content of this website is the property of National Nitwit ® and its authors, and may not be reprinted or retransmitted in whole or in part without the expressed written consent of the publisher. National Nitwit® is not designed for readers under 18 years of age. FAIR USE NOTICE: This site contains copyrighted material the use of which has not always been specifically authorized by the copyright owner. We are making such material available in our efforts to advance understanding of environmental, political, human rights, economic, democracy, scientific, and social justice issues, sustainable development, environmental, community and worker health, democracy, public disclosure, corporate accountability, and social justice issues, mostly because hot college women are also interested in the same issues. Go figure. Anyways, we believe this constitutes a "fair use" of any such copyrighted material as provided for in section 107 of the US Copyright Law. In accordance with Title 17 U.S.C. Section 107, the material on this site is distributed without fee or payment of any kind to those who have expressed a prior interest in receiving the included information for research and educational purposes, except when you are using it to get laid. If you wish to use copyrighted material from this site for purposes of your own that go beyond 'fair use', you must obtain permission from the copyright owner.

This page is powered by Blogger. Isn't yours?