National Nitwit

(McGrady, NC) Searchers with the help of a sharp-nosed dog named Gandalf today found a 12-year-old Boy Scout who had disappeared into the North Carolina wilderness over the weekend.

Michael Auberry wasn't crying out for help, and he appeared to be in good physical condition, despite over three days without his Wii and his favorite Legend of Zelda game.

"We have our missing Boy Scout - he is alive," ranger Tina White said. "It took him a minute to realize we were there for him. He was writhing on the ground, saying'...need... Wii... Zelda..' and stuff like that."

Joe Ware, Assistant Fire Chief in McGrady, said the boy told the rescue team that picked him up that he had survived Wii withdrawal by imagining the video games in his head.

"He was kind of delirious, being without Zelda, Link, and all those wacky Hyrule adventures for so long," said Ware of the young Auberry. "And you know - in the new Wii Zelda game Link's beast form behaves about the same as the human form, as far as combat goes, but you can't use all those items you find. Good thing Michael had his memories, or he might not have survived."

Left: Auberry spent over three days without Link's mystical Master Sword, needed to defeat Ganon

Michael's father Kent Auberry believes that the Zelda game may have saved his son's life.

"These games teach about heroism, fighting evil, and having the courage to stand up and do what is right," he said, wiping away a tear. "Now, Michael didn't have to exhibit any of these qualities in the woods, but if he ever needed to seal Vaati with the Four Sword, I have no doubt that he would have been totally prepared."

Labels: Michael Auberry, Wii, Zelda

(Chicago, IL) Jacob Dougherty knows a thing or two about addiction.

"I was a hard core gameholic and when I detoxed and after a year long battle, I managed to quit the PS2. I am now almost eight months sober and - until recently - had no desire for video games," the twelve-year-old recovering game addict said, noting that he still attends 12-Step meetings. "I had my share of waking up in strange rooms drenched in piss after a four-day video game binge. It wasn't fun."

Dougherty said the release of new gaming consoles Wii and PlayStation 3 is making recovery difficult for he and other gaming addicts.

"I'm speaking from experience. For years I went through countless gaming benders where I stayed awake for days before I did what I needed to do to get my gaming under control," he said, nervously looking over his shoulder. "Those years must have been awful for my parents and friends, but I have to admit I've been getting some serious cravings for video games lately."

Left: Sony's PlayStation 3 is making gaming addicts tweak

Dougherty recalled the events surrounding his bottoming-out.

"I knew that my life was just a mess. I wasn't going anywhere and it was a rainy day, and I just decided I didn't want to live that way anymore," he said, unconsciously twitching his head. "So I said goodbye to Mario, Final Fantasy, and Madden, and decided to have my mom check me into a treatment facility."

The recovering addict places the blame squarely on the shoulders of companies like Sony.

"The gaming companies tailor advertising to appeal to young adults by placing ads in pop-culture magazines, at music concerts, and on kid-oriented television shows," he said, scratching his arm. "They know that young people are highly influenced by their peers. So if an attractive guy or girl offers you a free video game in return for your email and cell phone number, run. Or you'll wind up like me: waking up in a cold sweat at night, hands trying to hit the X and B keys while trying to pick up a gold coin. Not cool, dude."

Labels: Playstation, PS3, Wii