National Nitwit

Joakim is woman, hear her roar

(Atlanta) History will be made this evening, as Joakim Noah of the Florida Gators becomes the first female to play in an NCAA men's Final. She spoke with National Nitwit reporters before warmups this evening.

"We used to think that basketball is what men did in a kind of warrior tradition and it was played in arenas and cost a lot of money," she said, doing some leg stretches. "Then we understood that women could be basketball players, too, and we try to enter those arenas and to play the game and be recognized for it."

Noah said that she hopes her performance tonight will be an inspiration to women worldwide, and looked back on how far women have advanced in the past few decades.

"It was not so very long ago we were told that there is no such thing as a vaginal orgasm," she said, signing autographs for nearby children. "It's no wonder women are pissed, because we’ve been told we’re immature if we don’t have a kind of orgasm that just doesn’t exist. Hello? It's my vagina, and I know what an orgasm is."

An emotional moment for Joakim and her teammates

Noah added that she hopes her example will help change "old-fashioned and outdated thinking."

"All the qualities that have wrongly been called feminine are really only qualities necessary to raise children, like patience, nurturing, attention to detail, empathy, that sort of stuff," she said. "But men develop them, too — men have them just as much as women do. And you are going to see some grown men cry tonight, too, over on the Ohio State bench, when we kick their fucking asses."

Labels: Florida, Joakim Noah, Molesterol. Ohio State, NCAA

(Kandahar, Afghanistan) A top Taliban commander said Wednesday the group has 4,000 fighters bracing to rebuff NATO's largest-ever offensive in northern Afghanistan, and added he is "hopeful" that a strong showing will earn the insugents an NCAA at-large bid.

"All of our men are well-equipped and we have the weapons to target NATO," said Mullah Abdul Qassim, the top Taliban commander in Helmand province. "We just have to get this win. This will get a lot off our shoulders as far as the NCAA Tournament goes, but we still have to take care of business here."

Qassim said the Taliban would adapt to conditions on any court they play on during March Madness.

"The Taliban know traditional fighting. If we need to fight in a group, we will. If we need a suicide attack, we will do that," he said, watching as his players worked pregame drills. "Plus, we know how to get the big bodies in the paint, grab rebounds, and score points off turnovers."

The Taliban, currently 18-11 and on the bubble, hope to prove they deserve to play in the Big Dance.

"We've just had two great games," Qassim said. "This is going to be a battle, man. That's what it's all about when you get here. If we can get into a position where we've got the lead, we're usually pretty good because our guys shoot well."

Labels: Big Dance, NCAA, NCAA Tournament, Taliban