National Nitwit

(Nassau, Bahamas) A Florida appeals court suspended a lower court ruling that would have allowed the burial of former Playboy Playmate Anna Nicole Smith in the Bahamas.

Instead, Anna Nicole Smith's mother, Virgie Arthur, will be allowed to let her decomposing body continue its inevitable path toward an unbearable stench, said Broward County chief medical examiner Dr. Joshua Perper.

"Decomposing tissues release these nasty green substances and methane gas, which make the skin go all bluish and blistered, starting with the abdomen," he said, grabbing a handful of Doritos as he showed National Nitwit reporters the body of Anna Nicole Smith. "The front of her body is already swollen, the tongue is protruding, and there's a ton of fluid from her lungs that's oozing out of her mouth and nostrils. Not much chance she's going to make the cover of Playboy again, eh?"

Perper said that the location of the body in the Bahamas is adding to its rapid decay.

"This stage is reached in temperate zones after about four days, but it's much faster in the tropics," he said, poking at a section of the stomach that seemed about to burst. "The unpleasant condition of the body is made worse by the presence of gases like hydrogen sulphide, which gives off that rotten egg smell. There, smell that? Ugh!"

Anna Nicole Smith's mother, Virgie Arthur, is reportedly "disgusted" with putrescence of daughter's cadaver

Family and friends of the late celebrity lambasted the Nassau coroner's office for the condition of Anna Nicole's body.

"For Chrissakes, couldn't they at least spray a little Lysol around her?" asked a tearful Virgie Arthur. "This goddamn place smells worse than a bucket of catfish sitting in the sun all day at a Willie Nelson concert."

Labels: Anna Nicole, Anna Nicole Smith, corpse