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9/17/2007

Advice: Ask an Intern with Sensitive Data on His Laptop

Advice and thoughts from state government intern Jacob Henderson.

Dear Intern with Sensitive Data on His Laptop:
My husband spends a lot of time away from home, and I am beginning to wonder if there is something "going on." He also makes a lot of late night calls on his cell phone, and had his phone bill sent to his office. Am I missing something? Carol in Syracuse, NY

Dear Sharon:
Let's see, I think I'll have the double caramel macchiato with extra whipped cream... no... maybe I'll have one of those frozen coffee drinks instead... Dang! I left my money on the dresser. I guess it's just a cup of regular coffee, since I only have change on me. Wait a minute - did I bring my laptop with me, or leave it on the front seat of my car? Shoot!


Dear Intern with Sensitive Data on His Laptop:
My 18-year-old son told us that he is gay, and that he wants to move in with his boyfriend. My husband thinks that this is all just a phase, and that he will grow out of it. I'm not so sure, since I caught him wearing his sister's makeup when he was two. Help! Carly and Ken in Westland, MI

Dear Carly and Ken:
Darn it! No hot water in this bathroom, and the soap dispenser is out. Guess I'll have to wipe my hands on toilet paper, that is if there is any in these stalls. Nope! Guess I'll have to get some napkins from the Starbuck's in the concourse. Now, let me think - did I bring my laptop with me into the bathroom, or did I leave it with Kyle over by the Southwest Airlines gate? Sheesh - I'm such a forgetful doofus today!

Dear Intern with Sensitive Data on His Laptop:
My husband does this really gross thing when he gets up in the morning. He turns over in bed, horks up this disgusting mass of phlegm, and spits it into a cup. Then it stays there until I clean it up! I am going crazy here! Beth in Redlands, CA

Dear Beth:
Phew! Finally we are on the plane. It took forever to get through screening, and all we are doing is flying domestic! I can't imagine what it would be like to fly on a foreign flight these days, what with all the extra security. Think I'll play a little Solitaire on my laptop while I am on the flight. Oops! I thought I brought it with me, but I grabbed my briefcase instead. Now did I put my laptop in the overhead, or did I send it with my luggage? Well, I guess I'll have to read one of these boring in-flight magazines until we get back to Columbus. Boy, I think I would actually lose my entire head if it weren't attached by bones and muscles and skin and stuff.

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# posted by Subcomandante Bob : 5:26 AM  0 comments

4/30/2007

Man's Boom-Laptop Grating on Roommate's Ears

54 gigs and 120 decibels of mobile media

(Dearborn, MI) Moving in with friend Kevin Fletcher made financial sense, said Dearborn resident Patrick Wlodarczyk, but the auto mechanic did not know about certain "technological innovations" Fletcher had developed.

"Dude has totally pimped out his laptop, complete with a Yamaha MX-1000U 2-channel power amplifier," said Wlodarczyk, shaking his head. "His shit is louder than a hungry baby with a shish-kebob skewer in his eye."

Wlodarczyk said that his roommate carries his "boom-laptop" everywhere he goes.

"Dumbass even takes the thing in the shower with him," he said. "So when he's spanking off to porn, those 10-second free clips he plays over and over makes it sound like the bitch is moaning through a bullhorn."

The music that Fletcher plays is the "least of my problems," added Wlodarczyk.

"You ever hear that Microsoft log-on theme through 1000 amps of audio thunder?" he asked. "That shit would peel the skin off a treeful of apples before they even got picked."

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# posted by Subcomandante Bob : 11:44 AM  0 comments
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