National Nitwit

Guest Editorial by George Norwood,
Michigan voter

I think it is highly un-democratic and an insult to the voters of Michigan that our Democratic primary did not count, and that the Party will not seat our delegates. After all, no state has been hit harder by job cuts than Michigan, and the blue collar voters of this state have been loyal Democrats for many decades.

Thus, it is only fair that we Michigan voters exercise our right to choose which candidate will fuck us up the ass.

Listen - for the past fifty years we've been taking the snake up the poop chute from Washington politicians. LBJ? Hammered us hard. Nixon? Plowed us like blond-headed prison arrivals. Reagan? Slapped us around and drilled us with his withered horse cock.

Some Michigan voters might want Barack Obama as President, because he would probably be gentle and put on some romantic music first, maybe whispering in our ears just before slipping his shaft up our asses. The problem with Obama is that he is young, and would likely want to fuck us up the ass 3-4 times week.

Others might want Hillary Clinton, who would be fucking Michigan voters up the ass with a blood-red strap-on dildo. Clinton would ride Michigan pretty rough, but she would probably fuck us up the ass really hard every other weekend, and she might give Michigan the occasional reacharound.

I think Michigan Republicans had better choices, since John McCain is too old to be fucking Michigan up the ass, and even with Viagra, he would be only be pointing his limp dick our way once a month. But I am glad that Mitt Romney is out, since those sexually repressed Mormons would be likely to be dragging Michigan out behind the garage and fucking us up the ass, like, every hour or so.

So, in the final analysis, as the state that has to get presidentially poked on a regular basis, I believe Michigan residents should have some choice as to which candidate gets to fuck us up the ass.

And maybe this time they could leave twenty bucks on the nightstand. It's not like we are whores, but if we could buy ourselves a little something, we might feel better about getting fucked up the ass so much.

Labels: Barack Obama, Hillary Clinton, John McCain, Michigan